By Karen Gleason
The 830 Times
Perhaps every mother feels the competing tows on her time and attention from her children and her own work, a balancing act every woman with children struggles with and eventually performs to a degree that suits her life.
Women with jobs outside their homes may feel that those competing pulls more strongly, but perhaps none feel it so deeply as women whose work also serves the greater community, and, arguably few women with children do work that impacts the rest of the community more then District Attorney Suzanne West.
West is the mother of two sons, Michael, 13; and Cooper, 11; with her husband Derome West.
The 830 Times spoke to West about how she resolves the struggle to find the balance between work and children.
“I had Michael while I was working in the district attorney’s office as assistant district attorney, and I remember a particular night while we were in trial and waiting for a jury verdict and my husband got called out to fly the helicopter (Derome served as a pilot for the Texas Department of Public Safety), and he literally brought the baby to the courthouse in his carrier,” West recalled with a laugh.
Asked if she had any misgivings about becoming a mother and also working in the DA’s office, West said, “I guess I just wanted both (things) so much that I was determined that they weren’t going to bump up on each other, but they’re going to bump up on each other no matter what.”
But she has no regrets.
West was elected district attorney in 2020 and began serving in January 2021. She now runs the office where she once served as assistant. She is seeking re-election to the office this year and has drawn no opponents.
She said she believes the hardest part of juggling a career and motherhood comes in dealing with the basics.
“I know this sounds crazy, but the fact is that they are athletic boys, and wouldn’t it be great if they had dinner on the table every day at 5:30 in the evening? Just the evening time, from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., where you would assume they would have me during those hours. The fact is, it’s really hard to do, and you can’t tear your heart out about it every day,” she said.
We asked her what advice she would give to mothers who are struggling with the same balancing act.
“I would say that I believe our kids are better off with us doing things that are good for the community and good for our families. I believe they need to see that, and that’s more important than all those pressures we put on ourselves.
“I picture going back 100 years, before moms regularly worked outside the home, what did moms do all day, every day? They weren’t sitting with their kids playing games. Even before moms were working outside of the home they were working, and their kiddos would see them. You’re taking care of your home, you’re taking care of the garden, all the things people would do to get by that was not working outside the home, but was still work,” she added.
“I believe our kids need to see us doing the things that are important,” she said.
We also asked West to reflect more deeply and the struggles and compromises of walking through the world as a working mother.
In response to our request, she wrote the following essay, which we’d like to share in its entirety.
By District Attorney Suzanne West
“We are all living on borrowed time. No matter how much money or success or other outward trappings of a good life one collects, not even a loving mother and busy career woman can negotiate for more time.
“As a mom, wife, district attorney and a few other things, the most important choices I must make are how to allot limited hours. This is a daily and a constant enigma to which I have no answer, but can share how I perceive the bigger picture.
“My own mother died when I was 24, and there are moments I have pined for those ‘one mores’ – laughs, holidays, walks – more than once, but when all is said and done, I would not have traded the mother I had for one that would have been with me longer for anything.
“As a mother to my own children, I often reflect on the unanswerable question: will my kids feel about me when they are adults the way I feel about my mother to this day? Is there some act I can perform that will guarantee that love? Is there a how-to book or article to assure me that I am doing this right?
“But what we learn as we help shape our happy-go-lucky children into independent adults is that there is no ONE act of self-sacrifice or moment of mothering that matters the most. It’s almost as though the important stuff happens when you don’t even realize it. There are daily moments of presence, support, unconditional love and unfailing knowledge that our children are exactly what God wants them to be – even when they (and I) make mistakes.
“My mom died without seeing the faces of my children. My youngest has gray eyes just like hers. They look right into you sometimes and seem to see past artifice, a trait I would say that my mom shared through those eyes. There are moments when trying to keep up with his brain is awe-inspiring, and he is never boring or without a plan of action. My heart constricts and expands when I listen to him and see brains and deep kindness in one human being. Every time we debate space, religion, economics or bed times, I feel her in the room.
“My oldest is a charmer, and my mom would have adored every inch of him. My mother would have encouraged his pranks, his infectious and fleeting enthusiasms and his lust for new experiences. She would have wanted to see him smile as much as possible because his smile and impish, fun-loving spirit are sights to behold – contagious and exquisite. That smile has grabbed and squeezed my heart for 13 years, and at times when I laugh with him I feel her laughing too.
“When I think about being a mother and how a working mom responds to all the many demands for time and attention from all directions, I remind myself that I am just borrowing these boys. They are human gifts from God, bestowed temporarily. I will never know how I got so lucky as to get these two, but we only get our moments for as long as God allows, and before we know it, and whether I am ready or not, my husband and I will send them off into the world to make their way on their own two feet.
“God wants them to bring glory to Him. Looking at boys that strive to be strong and capable and kind – traits that come from perseverance over time and not from the easy loving moments, no matter how many or how few we accumulate, I remind myself that the journey is the important part.
“I hope that they remember they will always have a soft place to land in hard times, a proud smile and a laugh in good times and a mother who adored them without end or reservation. I feel sure their hearts will have room for grace to a mother who was also a warrior for others in the world in dangerous circumstances, and pray they forgive the precious moments used because their mom wanted to leave the rest of the world a little better than how she found it.”
The writer can be reached at DelRioMagnoliaFan@Gmail.com .
